Simply Exquisite!!

So Tom Waits recently did an interview for The Independent. The interviewer? Tom Waits. The interviewee? Tom Waits. I read this interview where Tom Wait interviewed Tom Waits and I was struck by the sheer genius of it. Everyone should interview themselves. I could insert some sentences about the journey to self-knowledge and wax philosophical about how no one knows you better than yourself, but what is genius about interviewing yourself is this: it’s arrogant and self-important. And I love it. I think everyone should interview themselves. Which leads me to my post a la today (in case you were still straggling behind….):

I conceitedly present…. Miss Nihilist interviews herself:

I admit that I went into this interview a little apprehensive. Miss Nihilist, THE Miss Nihilist herself! She has developed such a persona and has achieved such inconceivable heights of success that I wasn’t sure what to expect. Was she going to be a Diva? Was she going to be humble? Was she going to be a Diva who pretended to be humble? What I discovered is that Miss Nihilist is one of the most kind, intelligent, witty, beautiful, insecure, secure, neurotic, and amazing people I have ever met. And, she smells like heaven.

Q: So you’re relatively new in the blogging game, how do you keep your posts fresh and relevant?
MN: The trick is quality over quantity. I never post anything unless I am fully ready to bring my A game. You will never find a C+ post on my blog. It’s quality shit all the way. Think of it this way… if blogging is like a crystal goblet, then competitor blogs are like tap water. My blog? It’s cristal. It’s the finest aged whiskey you ever did taste. See? Quality.

Q: Let’s do a word association game…. I will say a word, you tell me the first word that comes to mind. Dog.
MN: Shit.
Q: Bye.
MN: Nos-Chin.
Q: Berry.
MN: Much.
Q: Foundation
MN: Death.
Q: Accountants.
MN: KILL.

Q: How did Princess Diana die?
MN: She got eaten by Kimono Dragons.

Q: What do you want your readers to take away from your blog?
MN: I want my readers to come away from my blog, feeling as if they can do anything. That is the message that I try to instill in all my readers: YOU CAN DO ANYTHING. I want them to think positive, I want them to draw positive energy towards them. I want my readers to know that if they think they can do something, or achieve something, they CAN achieve their dreams. It is a new way of thinking that I am trying to commander. I call it “The Secret”. It’s a revolutionary concept that I came up with. I’m positive that this is going to put me on the map. I’m trying to get it patented, but I haven’t received a call back from the office yet.

Q: What can’t you live without?
MN: sushi, books, music, and a fine pair of tummy tucking-in underwear. Some condoms. It’s no glove, no love.

Q: Who is the final Cylon?
MN: That guy (Miss Nihilist points at the hot dog vendor).

Q: I understand you live in a multicultural home. What’s it like living with Koreans and Welshians?
MN: It’s annoying. Fuck multiculturalism, this is not the residence of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt! Sometimes I just want to fly my China flag and fly it high, but then I get accused of bigotry and Chinese supremacy. Hey! Just what culture do you think gave us pot stickers, huh?!

Q: This just came in from my editor…. I’m not sure how to tell you this… but The Secret? It’s a major franchise of books and DVDs that has been hyped by Queen Oprah herself.
MN: Wha…..? Shit.

Q: Well, we’re running out of time, and I just wanted to close by asking you… what is that intoxicating scent you are wearing? What do you call it?
MN: I call this Eau No Bathe for 4 Days.

So that’s that. Miss Nihilist should bottle that wonderful, heavenly scent and sell it. Then she could add “perfume designer” to her already extensive resume and achievements. I’ve learned many things about Miss Nihilist doing this interview, and one thing remains crystal clear: she’s here, she’s kicking ass, and she ain’t going nowhere. You go girlfriend!