The Philosophy of Laura

I’m turning 25 in less than 2 weeks. Now see, I am entering into what has been termed the “quarterlife” stage of my life. As Liz mentioned this weekend, “quarterlife” sounds a hell of a lot better than saying “I am now 25” (ie: mid-20’s…over the hill…officially decrepit and old). I agree with her; it’s much better to think that I am only ¼ through my life than think all the best years of my life are well done and past me. However, the term quarterlife tends to be optimistic about your lifespan, but perhaps that is a conversation better left for another day.

I am not a guru, I don’t know the secret to life. If you are operating under the delusion that I do know such secrets dear reader, you are clearly reading the wrong blog. And if I knew the secret to life and/or happiness, I certainly wouldn’t share it with you suckas. *insert manical laughter here*

However, in 24 years, 11 months, and 22 days of living, I have learned a few universal truths in my short time on this earth. I have managed to learn a few life “truths”, if you will. And from now on, as they come to me, I will be sure to share my life truths. Consider it the philosophy of Laura Ly. Here are few that have come to me recently:

1) If it don’t hurt coming out, it wasn’t worth going in. If you haven’t figured this out for yourself, I pity you.
2) Leftovers have a shelf-life of AT LEAST 4 days. Doesn’t matter what it is. Pork, chicken, beef, fish, it’s all the same. 4 days from the day you made it, and adjust accordingly. And hell, don’t even get me started on vegetables. Veggies can be used weeks after its expiry date. Anyone hungry?
3) If someone is waiting to go number 2 in the bathroom, and he/she was there first, don’t try to wait them out. Because trying to outwait someone who was there first, and therefore deserves first pooing rights, means that you are an asshole. No excuses, no exceptions.
4) Women older than the age of 40 should never wear anything with animal print on it. Gag reflexes depend heavily on this life truth.
5) Anyone who uses the words “faggot”, “dyke”, or any variation thereof, in any context, shape, or form, is someone you never want to associate with, or even acknowledge that you know.
6) If you consume less than $40 of sushi by yourself, you are an amateur sushi eater. Get out of the big leagues pal.

That’s all the philosophy you shall receive today. But I am sure that you will be eagerly awaiting the next installation. Patience grasshopper, patience.

Back from the dead, and prettier than ever!

I have been extremely remiss in my blogging. I am a bad blogger. There has been a notable absence of blogging since March of 2007. MARCH 2007! Not that I think anyone needs reminding, but it’s almost MAY 2008. I really am a bad blogger. I suck big piles of turd. Please don’t hate me, please? Welcome me back with open arms. Hugs all around.

Here is a quick 1 year and 2 months update:
1) I bought a house. Actually, I bought an end unit of a tri-plex. What I now realize is that I paid an exorbitant amount of money to live in my crappy neighbour’s dog’s many piles of shit. I only wish that I could have avoided sinking myself into 40 straight years of hard-labouring debt before having this realization. My kingdom for fresh-smelling air and a dog-shit free backyard. Preferably a backyard that isn’t a minefield of surprises!
2) I discovered the pure genius of Battlestar Galactica. And the extraordinary power of the word “frak”.
3) Darcy and I set a date for our wedding. I’d feel much more secure in this fact if only battlestar galactica wasn’t such an inspiring factor in our wedding plans. Instead I mostly feel really nerdy.
4) Azure turned 6, Arion just turned 3, Nate turned 1, Allan was born, and I will be a 5-times auntie sometime in July. My brother got a dog named sushi which could be considered a nephew/niece substitute so perhaps I am a soon-to-be 6X auntie. Regardless, Auntie Lola reigns supreme.
5) I discovered beat union. And all was right in the world.

Here is a quick list of things that did not change during the 1 year and 2 months I was away:
1) I am still lame. But I am working hard to change that, I swear.