So today is the 5 year anniversary of 9/11 and it seems like a depressing day. Being non-American, 9/11 didn't instill feelings of patriotism in me; it just always made me sad. 5 years ago, I was sleeping in bed, hitting the snooze button 4 million times as usual, and listening to some crap song on the Bear when one of the Bear DJ's came on and said that a plane had just slammed into one of the Twin towers and no one knew whether it was a mistake or an accident. She said that the airplane was just sandwiched in between the floors and I remembered not registering the gravity of the situation and thinking that it might be a joke, or a movie or something. Then, I went to class and was walking through SUB when I spotted the TV screens and all the people surrounding them, their eyes glued to the screen and the vivid images that were taking place before their eyes. And for days to come, all that was on television was the footage of the second plane hitting the second Twin Tower, and the destruction of the two towers, and zoomed in videos of people jumping and plunging to their deaths. The same macabre, grisly images on repeat; the same airplane flying into the tower from all imaginable angles, the morbidity forever burned into your retinas. I couldn't understand why they had to continually show the airplane hitting the tower, it was an image that everyone around the world had probably seen a hundred times by then, but it was on a continual, rewound loop that seemed to be the focus of all the television and media coverage. And the newspaper images of people jumping to their deaths from the upper floors, with bright red circles framing them just in case you missed it, or didn't understand what you were looking at it. However, I think after days upon days of being bombarded with images of death and destruction, everyone understood what the images were of. I hated the fact that Americans were spouting off about patriotism and civic duty and all that shit, while media peoples were having a field day with all the images of death. 9/11 shouldn't have been about patriotism and civic duty, it should have been about the people who died and the numerous lives that were destroyed needlessly. To take the focus away from the people who died and the lives that were destroyed and place the focus on "America" as a whole was an insult to all the individuals who died and the family they left behind. Because in the end, that is all that was left. It was individual people who died. Not just Americans, but people from all over the world in a display of terroism so atrocious it would have been inconcievable prior to 9/11. Terrorists targeted the abstract ideas that form the concept of "America" and all it stands for, but it was human beings who had to pay the price. The destruction of the twin towers does not represent a destruction of an American symbol, but of the death of human lives and futures and hopes and dreams. It represents not an "american loss" but a worldwide one; one that is felt by all of humanity regardless of nationality. So, that is why today seems like a sad day.

I wish sometimes I was happier with the things that I had in my life. I wish I was capable of truly appreciating all the wonderful things that I have been blessed with. I think that sometimes, everyone in the entire world suffers from the dreaded syndrome I like to call "The Green Grass" syndrome. The grass is always greener on the other side, and envy becomes the green-eyed monster. But if we look at things rationally, there will always be someone _________ (insert word here). There will always be someone richer, funnier, smarter, more successful, etc. ad nauseam. We will never be the #1 anything or anyone. But is that cause for alarm or sadness? No, not necessarily. It is just a fact of life, an inevitability of living. What we can take pride in is the fact that to the few people who are able to see our true value, to them we are a #1 someone. And that feels pretty damn good sometimes. I just wish that I was able to appreciate that fact more in my life and suffered from the Green Grass Syndrome less. But in a way, envy is a circular emotion. Although you envy someone else for something that you lack, another person looks at you and envies you for his/her own lack; therefore, envy is a circular and never-ending emotion that begets nothing. You don't feel more complete for your envy, nor does the intensity of your envy get you what you want. Envy is an empty emotion and feeling that brings more misery that necessary. Then how come so many people, including me, feel this empty emotion so intensely and so often throughout their lifetime? Despite the overwhelming logic which emphasizes the futility of envy and jealousy, it is prevalent in everyone. I guess I will never understand why. However, I envy those who do understand it.

I am going to watch the Wreckers. The Wreckers! The Wreckers! I am so bloody excited!!!

What is with people who are incapable of acting their age? We are adults. Read: ADULTS. Meaning that we are responsible for our own actions, and the consequences of those actions. We shouldn't expect others to fix our mistakes, take care of things for us, and be responsible for ensuring that our own tasks run smoothly. It means being organized, considerate, and more importantly, willing to compromise. Those who think that others are there to bend to their needs, their schedule, and their desires need a severe wake up call. You are not 4 years old, you are not even 16 anymore. It is time to start acting like an adult, and behaving like one. It means, taking pride in yourself, and your own work, and not doing things half-assed, expecting others to complete the task or find solutions for you. It means, understanding that other people have different lives, different schedules, and compromising to find solutions that are convenient for both parties. It means not expecting others to accomodate your own selfish desires. It also means learning the definition of responsibility and realizing that the days of sitting on the couch and engaging in frivolous activity until the wee hours of the morning is not only pathetic, it is passe. It is done. And to hold on to the days of your youth with an iron grip means that you fail to grow as a person; if you hold on to your past, your future slips away from you, taking all the possibilities with it. I hate adulthood more than anything, but I realize that it is an inevitable fact of life. I refuse to rally against it because to do so would mean that I was waging a losing battle. One that would cost me my life, my future, and all the people that I love who have grown while I stayed stagnant. That is a miserable, pathetic life and one that I have absolutely no desire to live. I wish people would just act like adults; it would make everything a fuckload easier.