This is the first in a series of postings I have lovingly dubbed “I hate….”. I won’t insult your intelligence by outlining what the series of postings will be about. But for those of you who enjoy having your intelligence insulted (yes, you!), it is about things I hate. There.

I hate people who are incapable of being on time. People who are chronically late. I understand that sometimes being late cannot be avoided. You had car trouble, there was traffic, your cat vomited (or baby, or dog, or any creature that has the capacity to vomit often. In my case, my Jinnee…), a meteorite fell from the sky and permanently damaged your legs; reasons like the ones I have outlined are legitimate reasons for being late. I will accept them. Or a reasonable facsimile of them. I am not unreasonable, I understand that lateness is sometimes inevitable. However, that being said, I hate people who claim bullshit reasons for being late and make no apologies for it. Even more than that, I hate those who claim that being late is a character trait, that it is characteristic of them. You know the argument “you know me…”. Yes I know you and frankly I think you suck shit. People are capable of being on time. People who are considerate of other people’s time and schedule are on time. It takes you 25 minutes more than the normal person to get ready to leave the house? THEN GET READY 25 MINUTES EARLIER. It’s a simple solution unless you are brain dead or bitchy. Are you stupid and idiotic? Or are you a downright asshole? Because those are the only two true reasons for being chronically late and disrespecting the time of those around you. So which one is it?

Being late is not an innate trait. It is a learned trait and it is a trait that shows disrespect for those who waste time waiting for you. I know several people who never apologize for being late and it is such a blatant sign of disrespect that it makes me want to stab out their eyes and yank out their tongues. These people don’t even give reasons for being late, they simply say “you’ve been waiting for half an hour? Oh, that is not long. Wait some more”. The audacity of it is appalling and the overwhelming rudeness and selfishness just makes my head spin 360 degrees and makes split pea soup come spewing out of my mouth. It is completely disrespectful and inconsiderate. I mean, who out there truly believes that he/she is important enough that people should willingly and patiently wait half an hour- or more- for his/her presence? They need to get a fucking lobotomy. And grow up.

I hate my job. I hate my whole professional life. When you are a kid, you never imagine your working life will be this way. All you want is to be treated like an adult, "I'm not a kid", never realizing that being an adult sucks. It is like being kicked in the crotch and having your nipples yanked and twisted, all simultaneously as you writhe in pain. Not only do you enter into the business world and realize how lowly you are in the food chain (at this depth, can you even remember what sunlight looks like?), but you are thrown into a plethora of troubles including-but not limited to- money, relationship, family, and personal and professional problems. Oh boy, where can I sign up? Looking back a bunch of years, it is almost as if I can hear the low voice of the devil saying "Welcome to your new crapastic life Laura" as I recieved my University degree and walked off the stage. In fact, when the Dean of the Faculty of Arts said "Where are you headed to next?", instead of answering "Michael Buble" like I did, I should have simply said "Hell". HELL. Followed by what is beneath Hell, and then even lower than that.

I hate my whole professional life. Prior to working, I spent a good 21 years suffering from crippling doubt, insecurities, fears, and depression. No doubt this was a direct result of living with two immigrant Chinese parents who transferred their own failed dreams onto the already heavy shoulders of their children. Now, feet firmly planted in the working world, I still suffer from crippling doubt, insecurities, fears, and depression. I worry that I am a boiled frog. I am insecure about my ideas and my creativity and my ability to succeed. I am conditioned in my position to get each idea or task approved by those higher in rank than me, no matter how minute the task, but am chastised and brushed off like a lint mite as being bothersome when I attempt to get ideas and tasks signed off as I have been instructed to do. But god forbid I go ahead and do anything without approval or else the high Führer (AKA The Director) will give my backside a good whipping. What am I to do? I am told that I have to get everything signed off, but when I try to, I am treated as a bug who is a major annoyance because I can’t do anything without running into the big office. I am told to speak loud and proud about my ideas but they are rebuffed and turned down before I am even done speaking about them.

Say it with me now: HELL, HELL, AND THEN MORE HELL.

I want to take a moment to discuss a new phenomenon that I wasn’t even aware existed: SPAM BLOGGING.

Now, I have been a victim of spam blogging and I don’t like it. I don’t like it at all. I put my foot down at it, and foam at the mouth at the thought of it, and shake my index finger at it until my head explodes. Now, if my spam blogger was the type of person who could read my blog and appreciate my sheer brilliance, then I would be all for it. However, my spam blogger was not the type of person who could appreciate my sheer brilliance. In fact, I doubt my spam blogger’s capacity to understand my blogginess, much less marvel at its pure genius. As evidenced by my spam blogger’s ESL-filled mumble jumble of words, he/she probably copied words from various places until they created a barely-coherant message. What really bugs me is that he/she had the audacity to advertise google! Google is its own advertising machine! It certainly does not need the power of spam blogging to enhance its image. Google is pervasive; it exists without the need for spam blogging. Don’t do it, I don’t like it!

Now added onto my list of things I hate: SPAM BLOGGING. So take that, you nameless, faceless, incapable of writing English turdface!

Top 5 Dreamjobs if I lived in a perfect world, was a much braver and courageous person, and had lady luck on my side:

1) Music journalist.
2) Hardcore vocalist of a band that recieved numerous references to rise against, was liked by rise against, and played with rise against A LOT. And alexis would be on the bill. And so would Atreyu. And I would want to cry ALL THE TIME I would be so happy.
3) Author. Not a best-selling one like Danielle Steel because I am hardly one for the huge masses but an author with a huge cult following. My novels could be like the “Donnie Darko” or “Rocky Horror Picture Show” of books.
4) Independent music store owner. Exactly like Empire Records. But minus “The man” getting me down.
5) Music A&R Rep. I know what good music is, and frankly the bands that are getting signed just aren’t it. Whoever is responsible for Nickelback, I would really like to challenge you to a duel. C’mon! Sushi eating contest. I kick you in your balls.