WWMND?

Yesterday, I had an impassioned discussion about people who unleash/unveil megalomaniac-like behaviour once they become parents (whether it is to pets or children).

On a side note: if you look up megalomaniac in the online dictionary, it states:
1. a person afflicted with megalomania.
No shit. What kind of definition is that? It doesn’t even provide you with a link to megalomania so you can define that word. It’s like looking through the dictionary of P. The Dictionary of P. is where you can’t define a word or a term or an idea without using the same word. Example: what does “you can’t swing a dead cat without hitting one” mean? Dictionary of P.: “Well, it means that you can’t swing a dead cat without hitting one.” Oh-kay, got it.

But I digress.

The point is this: being a boiled frog in an office building inevitably leads you to certain life realizations. It’s like retail. Until you work retail, you really have no idea just how much people suck. Same concept: until you work an office job, you have no idea how shallow, superficial, and one-dimensional people can truly be. For example, every office has the busy-body. The busy-body concerns herself with everybody’s business. “So and so spent 4.7 minutes longer in the bathroom than the average person… hm….. tattle tattle…complain complain……” The busy-body is usually friends with the Talker. The Talker is the one who must dominate every single conversation and often tries to one-up you. You come in, mentioning that traffic was really crazy that morning and you must have been stuck at one road for 20 minutes. The Talker interrupts you and says something to the effect of: “You think that was bad?! One time, I got cut off by 20 cars, one of which was a giant monster truck that almost ran over my hood. Then, Jesus himself came down and halted traffic so that he could eat his lunch with Noah and his friends in the middle of the road and I was stuck there for 4 hours! Then Al Capone came and there was a big shoot out until Marilyn Monroe came and stopped everything so traffic could resume.” Unfortunately in my case, the Cow embodies the busy-body, The Talker, and a large number of other stereotypical figures you’ll undoubtedly find in any office building. Lucky me.

I’ve been wondering what compels people to yap-yap-yap all the day long about themselves. Is it because they are super interesting? Is it because their stories are so interesting they will rivet any listener and be the equivalent of a blockbuster film? The greatest book known to man? What motivates women to gather round and share stories about their children (and everything their children could possibly do overnight), all in an attempt to vouch for the title of “Cutest Child EVER.” Do the same women realize that if a child does something potentially cute, that child’s “cute and cool” points don’t translate to the mother by proxy?

Why can’t women be more like me?!! That should be your fucking motto: WWMND??? What would Miss Nihilist Do? Keep all the things that are near and dear to you… NEAR AND DEAR. I don’t discuss things that are important to me to people who don’t care, aren’t listening, and won’t remember what I just told them shortly after wiping their asses. It cheapens it because it becomes gossip fodder. If something is important, keep it important; don’t use it as a means to seem cool and great and exciting because doing so debases it. It should remain valuable and only be shared with those who would see the same, equivalent value in it.

Anyway, I keep digressing at a frenetic pace… I’ve realized that all these talkers who gather around the campfire to out-talk one another do so because they are boring. They are all run-of-the-mill people who have no outside interests and who define themselves by the norm. At any given time of the day, these women gather round to discuss topics like their children, pets, husbands/partners, reality tv, and other asinine things. Anyone has the potential to be a parent or a pet-owner, so simply having a child/pet and having one that spits up is not interesting. Same goes for dating/marriage, watching tv, and most of the topics that are tackled during the week by the talkers. That’s why most of their sentences start with “the same thing happened to me….” or some variation thereof. Fuck, they talk for 15 minutes about chocolate most days. Being a married mother of 2 who goes home, cooks dinner, drives her kids to work, and watches tv at the end of the night is not riveting conversation. But yet, Subject A is talking about having to buy her daughter a car because she doesn’t want to drive her to work anymore. And Subject A discusses this particular topic ad nauseum to anyone who will listen. Does that make her interesting? No, it makes her boring because out of the million things in the world human beings could possibly talk about, THAT is the topic she chooses to get off her chest? That’s the topic she chooses to share with people?

Could subject A ever do a literary analysis of Pride and Prejudice and A Room with a View? Does subject A even know what A Room with a View is? Can subject A tell me who won the Daytona 500 in 2003? Can subject A name all 5 members of the New Kids and 5 of their Top Hits? Can subject A tell me how the Foo Fighters and Me First and the Gimme Gimmes are related?

I doubt it.

That’s because while subject A is yap-yap-yapping about the mundane, defining herself by how boring and standard her life is, us quiet ones (the ones who sit in the corner and keep to ourselves – the seemingly “boring” ones) are contemplating and elevating our lives and interests, constantly adding additional dimensions to our personality. We’re the true interesting personas because we define ourselves by our passion, our knowledge, our individual quirks.

We’re enigmas.

And that’s a hell of a lot more unique than those who loudly conform to a life of being average.