2 + 2 = 7???

So I just discovered the sport of chess boxing. And frankly, I think it is such a wonderful amalgamation of brutal, gratuitous violence and intelligence that I am mostly bummed I didn’t think of it first. Because I truly believe that Miss Nihilist could have been the reigning champ!

So you ask… what is chess boxing?......

Chess boxing is a hybrid sport consisting of alternating rounds of boxing and chess sessions (11 rounds in total). Yep, you read that right. The game starts with two opponents playing 4 minutes of speed chess. They get a minute to change their gear (ie: remove the chess board and bite down on those gummy things that resemble large lemon peels), and then for the next two minutes, they beat the living shit out each other. Following that lovely physical exchange, they sit down for another 4 minutes of chess. Picture this…. You’ve just been smacked in the head several times, what are you going to do next? If you answered “figure out complicated chess moves!”, then this sport is for you!!!!

It takes smarts to compete in chess boxing. Competitors in chess boxing are not your Mike Tyson types. Most of them have been mathematicians, doctors, scientists, and teachers. Hell, one person was even a former UN Peacekeeper. However, Miss Nihilist strongly suspects that once all these grad and doctoral students participate in chess boxing, they eventually stop doing the work they were doing. “E = MC….. errr….. what? I knew it once…… errrr……goddamnit! Pi? Oh…. Rhubarb! I could totally eat some of that dude.”

Apparently chess boxing has been an official sport since 2003. Wow, I’ve just wasted the last 5 years of my life when I could have been training for this awesome sport! The motto of the World Chess Boxing Organization is “Fighting is done in the ring and wars are waged on the board”. I’m so cheese.

Now…. Miss Nihilist has to learn how to play chess. In the meantime, let’s start small. I need someone to punch me repeatedly for 2 minutes, and then I will try my hardest not to wet myself. Then we’ll move onto maybe getting up. Yeah, yeah, those are good first steps.

Any volunteers? Anybody?