Girls just wanna have fun

Here is a truth that I believe wholeheartedly: I think life would be so much easier if I was a man.

Observe:
1) Men can be chubby and aren’t judged for it. Got a ponch? A beer belly? Oh, that just means you are virile and masculine because you can hold your alcohol. Come here santa….
2) Double standards. This double standard applies to many things. A random selection includes A) being able to date and sleep with several women, but still be regarded as a “catch”. B) overwhelming hot weather? No problem, men just take off their shirts. Women try that stunt and get arrested. Where’s the justice in that?!! C) Glass ceiling? What? Where?
3) Men don’t have to stand in line to go potty. Having to go into a poo stall simply because you don’t have any other choice SUCKS. I’d love to pee standing up, except I hate having to scrub my pants.
4) Men don’t have periods, don’t have to be responsible for taking a tiny annoying pill each and every single day, and aren’t forced to carry a little wee one in their stretched womb. In addition, men aren’t forced to stretch their genitals oouuuuutttt to push out the same little wee one. They just get to sit on the sidelines while us women have to do all the work. Bastards! This shouldn’t be a spectator sport!! One where men come in during the intermission, fondle the women who play, and thus “prep” the players for the big game.
5) Pants with pockets. Men are given the luxury of wearing pants with deep pockets. Hear that fashion industry?!!! Not all women want to carry big handbags and little itty purses just for our shit stuff.
6) Men wear t-shirts and jeans. For work, men wear dress pants and dress shirts. Men could wear the same pair of pants and shirt every single day, complete with hot dog stains, and no one would give a shit. Women, on the other hand…. “pssst… did you see Cindy wearing the same shirt twice this week? Could she be more of a hobo?!”. I’m not a hobo! I just really like washing my clothes every single night!
7) Men sit around together, watch tv, scratch their balls and burp. Women get together and they want to talk about their feeeelllliinngs. I don’t have any feelings, I am a non-feeling blob. I don’t watch Oprah. I don’t watch Sex in the City. I didn’t read Wally Lamb’s latest novel. I don’t care about your children. I don’t like doilies. I think you look hideous in your clothes. Your face makes me want to projectile vomit.
8) Men are excused from the stigma of having social and mental deficiencies simply on the basis that they are men. Observe: “Oh, Rod? He is a klepto… but it’s okay, you know how men are.” “Ewwwww…. Cassie is a necrophiliac! Crazy, insane bitch!”. Fair? I think not.

I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again: Life would be so much easier if I was a man. Sigh.