The Philosophy of Laura Part Deux

Here are some more life truths (probably my last as a young person. Bye old life. Hello old age! I barely knew ya):

1) Coffeemate is not a substitute for creamer. Mornings where you use coffeemate are mornings where you regret getting out of bed. Similarly, workdays without coffee suck like a vacuum cleaner and then some.
2) Upper Crust potato salad is worth being chubby and obese for.
3) With the exception of doctor-recommended circumstances, there are no excuses for wearing sunglasses indoors. Or at night. You’re not Tom Cruise in Risky Business, you’re not a motorcycle driving vampire, you’re not in a 1980’s Corey Hart video. DON’T DO IT.
4) Don’t double dip in the communal food bowl. Double dippers have no friends. It’s disgusting and ignorant. You might as well walk up to people and spit into their mouths; it’s essentially the same thing. “Hi, I’m Laura! How you doing? *spoot*, nice to meet ya”. And yes, the *spoot* is my way of verbally spitting. Spoot on you all.
5) Dishwashers aren't for washing dishes. They hold tupperware. I know, the term DISHWASHER is misleading. Lots of people get confused.