The Philosophy of Laura

I’m turning 25 in less than 2 weeks. Now see, I am entering into what has been termed the “quarterlife” stage of my life. As Liz mentioned this weekend, “quarterlife” sounds a hell of a lot better than saying “I am now 25” (ie: mid-20’s…over the hill…officially decrepit and old). I agree with her; it’s much better to think that I am only ¼ through my life than think all the best years of my life are well done and past me. However, the term quarterlife tends to be optimistic about your lifespan, but perhaps that is a conversation better left for another day.

I am not a guru, I don’t know the secret to life. If you are operating under the delusion that I do know such secrets dear reader, you are clearly reading the wrong blog. And if I knew the secret to life and/or happiness, I certainly wouldn’t share it with you suckas. *insert manical laughter here*

However, in 24 years, 11 months, and 22 days of living, I have learned a few universal truths in my short time on this earth. I have managed to learn a few life “truths”, if you will. And from now on, as they come to me, I will be sure to share my life truths. Consider it the philosophy of Laura Ly. Here are few that have come to me recently:

1) If it don’t hurt coming out, it wasn’t worth going in. If you haven’t figured this out for yourself, I pity you.
2) Leftovers have a shelf-life of AT LEAST 4 days. Doesn’t matter what it is. Pork, chicken, beef, fish, it’s all the same. 4 days from the day you made it, and adjust accordingly. And hell, don’t even get me started on vegetables. Veggies can be used weeks after its expiry date. Anyone hungry?
3) If someone is waiting to go number 2 in the bathroom, and he/she was there first, don’t try to wait them out. Because trying to outwait someone who was there first, and therefore deserves first pooing rights, means that you are an asshole. No excuses, no exceptions.
4) Women older than the age of 40 should never wear anything with animal print on it. Gag reflexes depend heavily on this life truth.
5) Anyone who uses the words “faggot”, “dyke”, or any variation thereof, in any context, shape, or form, is someone you never want to associate with, or even acknowledge that you know.
6) If you consume less than $40 of sushi by yourself, you are an amateur sushi eater. Get out of the big leagues pal.

That’s all the philosophy you shall receive today. But I am sure that you will be eagerly awaiting the next installation. Patience grasshopper, patience.